Spread Hope Like Fire

Obama vs. McCain – Bonus Debate Coverage October 15, 2008

What you are about to read is a transcript of lost footage from the recent Town Hall debate between Senators Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ). Due to time constraints and editorial judgment, moderator Tom Brokaw did not allow certain questions and responses to be aired. However, through shrewd negotiations and outright blackmail, a deal has been brokered a deal allowing a previously unreleased discussion to be released to the blogosphere.

BROKAW: Our next question comes from Randall Kirby of Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Mr. Kirby?

KIRBY: Good evening Senators. During this campaign, we’ve heard you talk a lot about the economy and energy and the environment. But neither of you have said one word about one of the greatest injustices in our country: the lack of a college football playoff. If elected, what would you do to reform this system? Thank you.

McCAIN: Thank you, Randall, for that question, and thank you for being a part of this very important debate. And again, I want to thank Tom Brokaw and the fine people of Belmont University –

BROKAW: Senator McCain, you’ve already thanked me five times and Belmont six. Can you move on please?

McCAIN: Ah, yes. Thank you, Tom. My friends, I want to make it clear that this is an issue that I’ve been passionate about for many years. When others in the Washington establishment were content to preen and posture talking about national defense and the environment, I was working behind the scenes to get rid of the BCS. It’s an inefficient, antiquated system, and it needs to go. As president, I would charge Vice President Palin with the responsibility of taking down the BCS and replacing it with a suitable playoff. And I tell you, I can’t think of anyone who is more qualified to overhaul our broken college football system. Just like with the energy issue, she knows more about this topic than anyone alive on planet Earth. And that’s not hyperbole, my friends. It’s just straight talk from this maverick to you, my American friends.

OBAMA: Randall, first I just want to say that I know what you’re going through. As I’ve traveled over this great country, I’ve met a lot of people who share your concern. They’re frustrated. They want change. Their voices just aren’t being heard because the big corporations who run the BCS – and who are supported by George Bush and John McCain – don’t care about the individual college football fan. Now, when you elect me as president, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. First, I’m going to set up a government agency to investigate this issue and come up with responsible, alternative strategies and set hard-and-fast timetables. Now, you won’t hear John talk about timetables. He prefers to keep more of the same old BCS and George Bush policies. He thinks your unhappiness and discontent are “no big deal.” Second, I’m going to increase the taxes on these evil corporations, and return that revenue to our beleaguered college football fans, to provide some relief. They just need a little help during this difficult time. These folks need hope, and we can give that to them. It’s our duty as Americans. Besides, other than change, what’s more important than hope?

BROKAW: Ah, gentlemen, as a follow-up to that issue, how would you handle the inequities inherent in the current system, until an improved system could be implemented? Obviously this is probably the most complex issue facing America today, and nobody here can realistically expect an overnight fix. So what do we do in the interim? Specifically, what do we do with the most egregious abusers of the current system, places like Ohio State and Oklahoma? Senator Obama, you may answer first.

OBAMA: What Ohio State has been doing in the BCS system of late has been nothing short of criminal. As president, I would put together a blue ribbon commission to investigate the BCS and Ohio State for what I consider collusion and conspiracy to commit athletic fraud. While those fat cats in Columbus, Ohio were playing in title games, people from places like Athens, Georgia and Lawrence, Kansas were sitting around their kitchen tables wondering how they were ever going to get a fair shake. The sad truth is that they will never get a fair shake under this corrupt regime. That’s just wrong. These people need to be able to have hope. Hope that change is coming. Don’t you worry, Boise State and Hawaii fans, I have heard your voices. And I am on my way to Washington to bring about the kind of hopeful change that you’ve been hoping would be changed.

McCAIN (glancing at projected electoral map): Now, you see, my friends… Senator Obama is playing the blame game. The fact of the matter is that the state of Ohio is the birthplace of college football, and Ohio State is what all other football programs aspire to be. Senator Obama wants to punish Ohio State for being more successful than the rest, and that’s just his typical liberal mentality. Have I mentioned he has the most liberal voting record in the history of voting records AND liberalism? My friends, now is not the time to unfairly stifle success just to even the playing field for the have-nots. Now is the time to inspire the Floridas and LSUs of the world to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and just try, for once, to compete with Ohio State. Nobody said it would be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. My friends, we can do this, and with Vice President Palin leading the way, the future of college football is as bright as our fundamentally sound economy. Oh, and I don’t give a damn for the whole state of Michigan. O-H! Thank you.