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Changing my relationship status on Facebook gave me goosebumps. April 30, 2012

Posted by Jordan in Thoughts.
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I continue to be unable to force this. It has to happen organically, free of pressure. But, for the first time in four years, I am officially spoken for, and I want to try to write about what that feels like.

I have never done this before. It would be silly and inaccurate for me to sit here and write as if I have all of the answers, because I don’t. I have not been in a relationship before in which you are not able to see your significant other every day, if you wish. Or hug them every day, or kiss them every day. This is uncharted terrain. An alien landscape.

Thinking about this, and about her, is so amazing to me. You really never do know what direction life’s winds will move you in. Hither, thither and yon, indeed. Just a few months ago, I could have in no way visualized this or seen it coming.

Usually, however, the simple, beautiful truth is that we just don’t get to tell our heart who or what it wants. And I’m pretty sure that I’m glad of that. I’m glad that the feelings are bigger than that, bigger than our whims.

I am glad that we somehow managed to find one another again, after so many years. I am glad that I get the opportunity to do everything I can to make her happy, and I am bound and determined to not screw it up.

This is active, not passive.
This is not clairvoyance.
This is the weathering of storms together.
This is reverence.
This is not insignificant.
This is the unholy alliance of ecstasy and torture.
This is worth it. She is worth it. All of the pain brought on by separation and distance. Because, my dear, we are bigger than that. I’m in this with you, all the way, as long as you’ll have me.