Spread Hope Like Fire

This is incomplete and uncalled for. January 26, 2009

Songs for the night: “Tautou” by Brand New and “As The Little Things Go” by The Appleseed Cast.

This sentence won’t exactly kick this post/rant off on a revolutionary note, but life can get a bit confusing sometimes. You know how, like, people will occasionally mention feeling older or younger then their age? For whatever reason? Well, I’m not sure why, but that happens to me CONSTANTLY. And what makes those feelings weirder is that they’re not even close to being consistent. There are a lot of days (more and more in recent times, it seems) when I can’t decide if I’m stuck in high school or if I’m in my mid-thirties. I’m talking about mentally. I simultaneously feel younger and older than almost everyone I know. I can’t say that I expect that to make much sense, but I’m not sure of another way to put it. I don’t know what to think or to feel anymore, and I don’t know if any of this makes me more in touch with my thoughts and emotions than others, or less. I have friends that are close to being done with college (or already done), have degree plans, have ideas for real jobs, have mortgages, blah blah blah. They have all this stuff, and here I am, the late-bloomer that’s supposed to be lacking. After all, what have I done? What could I possibly know that they don’t, right? Well, would it be egotistical of me to raise the possibility that there might actually be an ENORMOUS amount that they don’t know? I’m to the point now that I don’t even feel comfortable talking to some of my best friends about anything that goes beyond sports scores, the latest movies, or what we had to eat the other night. That isn’t meant to suggest a parting of the ways, as they are still my friends, but NONE OF THAT STUFF MATTERS. ABSOLUTELY NONE OF IT. I don’t know.