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I miss you. So much. December 17, 2009

Posted by Jordan in Thoughts.
Tags: , , , , ,

Dear Soulmate,

I miss you.

That, in and of itself, is nothing new, but lately? I seem to miss you more and more each day. I’m not even sure how that works, exactly – after all, how can you miss someone that you’ve yet to know? I don’t know, but that is how I feel. There are some days when, for lack of a better way to explain it, I just feel like I’m fading. Like everything is slowly, inexorably moving away. The only thing that can bring it all back – the only recourse I really have – is thinking of you.

You keep me breathing, laughing, loving, hoping, wishing, dreaming, thinking, feeling, crying, singing, listening, and living.

I have so much to give, share, and express – so much passion, intensity, feeling, and, most of all, love. Honestly, it scares me. It terrifies me, possessing all of that and not yet being able to share it with you.

I have written to you before that I will wait for you as long as I have to, and I mean that every bit as much now as I always have and always will.

I can’t imagine what we will be like together, and I can not wait to see what it is that we will create. I want us to create something – to refer to it merely as a “relationship” is so superlatively understated as to be absurd – so strong, pure, powerful, dark, light, sexy, beautiful, unwavering, and all-encompassing  that it defies further description. I just want YOU! I require nothing else! I do not WANT anything else! How could I? How could I ever look past you? How could I ever – for even one second – not have you in the very center of my thoughts, wishes, and dreams? Even considering that is repugnant to me! I would rather not live at all than live like that!

It’s now nearly five a.m. It’s taken me hours to even write this. My angel, I would give everything I have – in a heartbeat, without a second thought – if that meant being able to go to sleep tonight by your side, holding you against me, my fingers in your hair, my palm on your cheek, and my heart yours.

Missing and awaiting you tonight more than ever,



1. JBell - December 19, 2009

…and that is the essence of my breakdown last night. Maybe I’m not really missing Patrick, but missing the interaction and the connection that I had with another human being. Knowing that I really thrived and came to life due to the feelings and emotions he made me feel and being terrified that I’ll never feel that again. So I cling to him and miss him because he provided the goods – the euphoria, happiness, wholeness and love. I too could be missing someone I’ve never met, but I think I’m really missing what I know he can make me feel. The loneliness rears it’s ugly head every once in a while, no?

I’m not really sure what to say Jordan. You always get me to think a little deeper and see things a little differently. You make me want to try a little harder at life, and for that, you are beautiful.


2. Lynn - January 8, 2010

I am trying to find my soulmate as well.. I hope we are successful.
Jordan… you have truly touched me with this post!


3. Jordan - January 13, 2010

Jess – Thank you. For sharing with me. And those last couple of sentences in your comment – they give me the chills when I read them, because that is exactly the sort of reaction I seek out and wish to be a part of. I’m here for you, always.

Lynn – Wow – I love the kind words, and I wish you nothing but the best in your search. Do you have a blog of your own I can check out? Are you on Twitter?

4. Lynn - January 14, 2010

my blog is not updated much and contains much of my pain..but you are welcome to look….. you have truly touched me more than you know. I am continually amazed at your depth. Keep on hun…. it is coming to those that deserve.. and WE do. hugz


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