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two kids on the trunk of a car. January 3, 2009

Posted by Jordan in Thoughts.
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It’s hard for me to be happy when I can’t see that I am helping those around me be happy. I’m out of town visiting my family for a few days, and last night, I so desperately wanted to be with someone. I’m single, and I wasn’t necessarily thinking about a girlfriend, per se – I just wanted to have some kind of connection. Of course, since I’m out of town, it’s not exactly an environment where I know a lot of people outside of my family (don’t know anyone, actually), so I couldn’t really do that. I ended up doing what I usually do when I’m in a mood like that: I drove around aimlessly for a while and listened to music.

What I really wanted was to feel like I am serving some sort of purpose, even if it’s nothing more than being a sounding board or being a good listener. I wanted to go catch a late showing of, like, Twilight, talk to a couple of girls there after the movie, even if they’re strangers, and then go to an all-night restaurant or something and just talk, whether about the movie, or their boy issues, or whatever. Anything. Just have one of those huge, late-night conversations over hot chocolate that ends with us getting sleepy, someone crying, us embracing in a huge hug before they leave, and me making sure that they know that, if they ever need anyone to talk to, regardless of the circumstances, that they can call me.

Another thing I’ve always wanted to do: I want to be out driving around in the city where I live and actually run into a friend that’s out doing the same thing, wishing that there was someone there who they could talk to. I want that feeling, and that assurance, of knowing that I can be that guy to whom they feel they can run to if they need anything. That holds true for my friends in my hometown, too.

And last night, as I was driving around, I was in this shopping center parking lot that was almost completely empty, save for this one car under a parking lot light. I eventually could see that there were a couple of people outside the car. As I was driving by, I realized what was happening: it was a guy and a girl, sitting against the trunk of the car, just talking. This was at, like, 1 a.m., and I could tell they didn’t care at all. This might not make sense to anyone but me, but it was beautiful. I want that. I miss that.

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